Why???

why is it happening?It seemed clear,possible and achieveable back then.Now suddenly it has gone hazy,seems impossible to attain, looks like the journey on which i embarked some time ago,very confident and hopeful, would again lead me to that abyss of despair,darkness and drudgery....why does this happen to me?????.....who was he who told me that i can realise my dreams...who assured that it is possible to become one of those sparkling stars...to reach those heights and shine there gloriously along with the immortals...he convinced me that the whole universe indeed conspires to help you get there...and now suddenly he insinuates the fear of that never ending tunnel of anguish,misery and melancholy where all along the way you find the deteriorating effigies of those broken geniuses....of potentials never lived upto....where at every corner there are decomposing corpses of the wonderful dreams seen by the would-have-beens of this world...he once told me that the future would be nothing but a grand celebration!!!!!!!!!! and now he mocks at me saying that an idea of a bright future was nothing but a mere deception..a mirage..a gimmick.. that's it......
whom am i to believe??...which one of them is real...which one belongs to me or whom do i belong to??...to hope or to despair???....to the celebrations of life or to the mournings of death???...why is it so difficult to know yourself....why the answer to such an innocuous question be so enigmatic....why can't i know myself...why can't i tell...who am I???